If you are looking to get a grip on premature ejaculation, you need to learn to control your arousal. This is both a physiological and physical response.
It will take some time and effort, but it can be done. You just have to man up and get to work on it. Arousal control is possible once you understand what’s going on. Mastering the techniques can turn you from a dud to a stud and make women want to keep coming back for more. It’s not that hard but will require you to practice, focus, and be patient.
We are going to talk about this topic in terms of physical symptoms of increased arousal, and more so that you can take back the sack and wow her with your ability, longevity, and stamina. So pay attention and get ready to hit it out of the park as you reach your optimal level.
Physiological Arousal
Physiological arousal is how your body reacts to stimulus. When you look at boobs for example blood should start to rush to your penis and make it slightly hard. When you look at a naked woman even more blood should flow to your penis and make it harder. But things don’t always work that way in real life. Sometimes there is a disconnect between our physiological arousal and what we expect to happen. This is one thing that you can work on.
A common problem with the disconnect between your psychological state and physiological arousal is that you’ve been looking at too much porn. Don’t be embarrassed we all check out Pornhub but you can do it too much. Porn is designed to trigger our specific kinks and desires.
For example, if all you want to see are 18-year-old redheads taking it up the butt you can find hundreds of videos of that. But real life isn’t like that. In real life, you may end up with a 25-year-old blonde who just wants penis in vagina sex. But if you’ve trained your brain only to get off on specific kinks and not what you are getting in real life you are going to have a problem.
Your penis won’t react the way you want it to. It may not get hard. Or it may get hard but be confused and cause premature ejaculation. Or it may not stay hard.
The solution, of course, is to try to cut back a bit on porn and when you do watch it mix it up big. Don’t always be going to the same genre – particularly if that is a genre you are not likely to encounter in real life. That should help reset your physiological response to stimuli.
There are other things that can affect your physiological response, but we’ll talk about them later.
Cognitive Anxiety
Cognitive anxiety is how our brain responds to a sexual situation. When we are about to get laid, we should be relaxed and happy. But for many men – particularly those that have suffered from premature ejaculation in the past – that is not the response that the brain feeds us.
Instead, the brain gets nervous. And when it’s nervous it can be hard to get hard. And if you do get hard your brain’s cognitive anxiety will help you get out of the situation by making you achieve orgasm quickly. That creates a cycle where each time you try to have sex your premature ejaculation becomes worse. It can even get to the point where it is impossible for you to get an erection. That’s not the result you want if you want to rock her world in bed and make her come back for more (and tell her friends how awesome you are.)
You can work on this in various ways. You can try meditation while thinking of sexual situations. This will train your brain’s cognitive anxiety to not be triggered. You can try having a drink before you start to have sex, a little bit of alcohol may relax you enough to be able to keep in the game longer.
Many people these days in the time of legal weed find that smoking a couple hits off a joint has a huge effect on their cognitive anxiety for the better. So, if you want to get stoned and boned, go for it.
It’s even possible in many situations to talk to your partner upfront about problems you’ve had in the past. Speaking about issues helps get them out of your system so that they don’t loom over you and trigger your premature ejaculation.
Whatever works for you is the path you want to follow. You want to not be anxious when you are about to have sex. The more anxious you are the lower your performance will be. So figure out what will chill you out and follow that method. Over time this should greatly help with your premature ejaculation problem.
Physiological Responses
There are many physiological responses that can happen when you are in a sexual situation. In an ideal world as soon as it became clear sex was a possibility, you’d get hard. Then during sex, you’d last long enough for her to get off. And then you would have your orgasm either in her, in the condom, or on her belly or back. But we are human beings and fallible. So, you can’t count on what you want to have happened to happen.
Once the physiological response is that you do get hard when sex is obviously on the table. But because of your cognitive anxiety, your penis does not want to stay hard. Therefore, you ejaculate in your pants, or before you get inside her or within seconds after entering her. That’s not good for anyone involved.
Another possible physiological response is that your penis stays soft or only gets partially hard. This makes sex virtually impossible. And it’s probably due to cognitive anxiety. But you can work on that.
Some variation of all of these responses is possible. You need to be on the lookout for when you can see them on the horizon. Then come up with ways to hold them back so they don’t ruin your sexual encounter. It will take a good deal of practice, but you can find ways to work to change your physiological responses so that they don’t impede the sexual experience for you or your partner. You know you can do it, you just have to put the work in.
Autonomic Nervous System
Your autonomic nervous system regulates your entire body. It largely regulates the “fight or flight” response in your brain. It regulates blood flow to your body. And it regulates adrenalin levels. It is basically your primary survival system. But you have to remember humans evolved way before cities. Our evolution happened when we were running around in packs hunting to survive. They don’t consider things like restaurants, first dates, cocktails, and the easy availability of food.
In evolutionary times premature ejaculation was a positive thing. You mounted the female, came quickly, and could then go back to hunting mammoths. You were not in a vulnerable situation for very long.
That clearly does not work today. But your autonomic nervous system may still react like it does. This particularly comes into play if you get nervous when in sexual situations. It will trigger the fight or flight response. Therefore, you’ll either be able to get it up but orgasm quickly or else you won’t be able to get it up at all.
Your nervous system is reacting as though you are in a fight or flight situation. It’s doing what it thinks it’s programmed to do. Of course, the reality is quite different. You’d like to make love to your partner for hours, but your atomic nervous system doesn’t think that’s possible.
To avoid triggering this system you need to find ways to not trigger it at all. That means eliminating nerves when you are getting into a sexual situation. If you get nervous, you’ll trigger the system and come quickly or not get it up.
If on the other hand, you approach sex like a fun, natural thing to happen you won’t trigger that response, and sex will be great. Find ways to relax when you are having sex. This could be as simple as extending foreplay to the point where your entire body is relaxed and then going for sex. It could require meditation when you are not having sex to make your mind automatically relax.
You need to find out how not to trigger the fight or flight response so that it doesn’t get in the way of your good time.
Your Mental Health
When it comes to dealing with premature ejaculation, your overall mental health cannot be underestimated. Research has shown that it’s not only your physiological state that is the issue; you need to have a clear head to have good sex.
You also need to not be anxious about sex or premature ejaculation – because that will make premature ejaculation happen more often. You may need to make one or two visits to a therapist to discuss your mental health and how you can change your views and therefore change your sex life.
You should also be aware that many prescriptions can make it difficult to get hard or cause premature ejaculation. Therefore if you are suffering from premature ejaculation don’t be embarrassed to tell your doctor about it. He may simply substitute one drug you are on for a new drug and solve your problem overnight.
Remember, a woman can be crazy as a bedbug and still have sex. With guys not so much.
For example, if you just broke up with a long-term lover you may still be emotionally hurting too much right now to have sex. Your body will know this and will cause you to not get hard or premature ejaculate.
Therefore, take stock of your arousal level before you try to have sex.
A Strategy For Avoiding Premature Ejaculation
When there are no physical or medical reasons for premature ejaculation there is one strategy that has proven very effective in helping overcome the problem. It may seem counterintuitive but over time it has proven itself to be very effective at arousal control.
Simply have sex a few times without it being about you at all. In fact, keep your penis in your underpants. Instead, make it all about her. Kiss her entire body. Get lotion or lube if you need it. You can even bring toys into the bedroom.
Go down on her. Use the toys. Really discover her body. And don’t worry about yourself at all. In these cases, you don’t care if you cum or not. You care that she comes.
Once you see that you can get her off without your penis, your fear of premature ejaculation will start to disappear. You’ll know you can satisfy her, so your fight or flight instinct in your central nervous system won’t be triggered. Then when you are ready and sure you are relaxed go for it. You might be in for a pleasant surprise.
Increase Your Confidence Levels
Not premature ejaculating is as much about confidence as it is about anything else. Figuring out what will boost your confidence will help you take charge of your premature ejaculation problem.
For example, if you usually premature ejaculate the first time you cum but then can last longer the second time around – if she lets you have a second time – you can simply jerk off in the shower before your date. That will leave you confident that when you do get into bed, you’ll be able to last longer. Lots of young guys do this and it’s not weird at all.
You can also practice at home what is called “edging.” This is the practice of making yourself just about to come and then stopping. You then wait for your mind and penis to calm down and try it again. This is one time when using porn can be a good thing for your sexual life. Over time you should be able to last longer and longer with the porn. That will make you more confident that you can last longer with an actual woman.
It’s also possible to hire a professional to practice with. She won’t care at all if you cum too soon your first time. She will take the pressure off. And you can practice with her until you are confident that you have the stamina for a woman you want to date. There is no shame in hiring an escort if the goal is to improve your sex life with women you want a romantic relationship with.
Work On All Kinds Of Arousal
If you want to be able to avoid premature ejaculation you need to be able to control your emotional arousal. This is separate from your physical arousal. It’s how you feel in the moment. If you don’t have optimal levels, then you either won’t be able to get it up or you will get it up and cum quickly. Ask yourself how you really feel about your partner. Is she someone you really want to be with? Or is she someone who is willing to be with you but really isn’t someone you want? Premature ejaculation can be a sign that you are with the wrong partner.
Are you really in the mood for sex? Or is sex on the table and you feel like you should be in the mood? Or is your partner pressuring you for sex when you aren’t into it? All these situations play into how well your dick will work.
Perhaps your mind is on work. Or you’ve had a stressful week. Or maybe you are just out of a relationship and not ready for a new one yet. All of these can affect your arousal levels and make you cum too quickly.
Make sure you are really in the emotional mood to have sex before you start. It might save you from a lot of embarrassment.
Use Your Psychological Skills On Yourself
We all have phycological skills to boost our self confidence, whether we realize it or not. We pick and choose when we use them. We may be able to psych ourselves up for a business meeting. We may be great at making friends. Or we may pour ourselves into a project and come out with success.
Each of these things we do is us using our psychological skills to our advantage, for our own self confidence. We see a situation we want to conquer and use our minds to make it happen. You can learn to do this with your sex life as well.
For example, if you’ve gotten a woman into bed, you’ve already used some psychological skills to make that happen. Now use those skills on yourself to make sure you don’t have premature ejaculation.
This can be as simple as the old joke, “Think about baseball while having sex” to make yourself last longer. Or it can be more complex and involve you making plans in your head for how you are going to react every step of the way. It doesn’t matter what psychological skill you use as long as you have one in place.
Every man is different but if you look deep into yourself, you can find the psychological skill you need to use to mkeget over your premature ejaculation problem.
Tell Yourself Positive Statements
So many premature ejaculation problems stem from telling ourselves negative statements. We say to ourselves “last time I came too quickly, god I hope it doesn’t happen again” or some variation of that. We let our negative previous experience color our present experience.
But what if you replaced those negative statements with positive statements? Imagine telling yourself, “I’m gonna fuck this girl so good she’s going to scream and brag about me.” That would have a much more positive effect on your sex life than the negative statements you are currently telling yourself.
Learn to cut off the negative statements and replace them with positive statements. Over time this can become habitual, and your negative self-statements will disappear. They will be replaced automatically with positive statements. That takes away one of the most common sources of pre-ejaculation.
Suddenly you become relaxed and confident, and your dick doesn’t want to cum quickly. Instead, it wants to be in your woman for as long as possible. And before you realize it your positive statements have made premature ejaculation a thing of the past.
Deep Sleep Is Your Friend
When we are younger, we always end up with a good night’s sleep. As we get older that becomes harder and harder. Alcohol interferes with sleep. Having to get up on time for work gets in the way of a good sleep schedule. Stress either personal or professional makes it much harder to get the amount of sleep we need.
And yet we never think of “how when I was younger and slept well, I didn’t have premature ejaculation problems.” But a lack of deep sleep can certainly lead you to have problems in the bedroom. The deeper the sleep the better your dick will work.
Try going to be a little bit earlier. If you are having trouble sleeping, ask your doctor for a sleeping pill. Find some way to get a lot of deep sleep and your premature ejaculation problems may solve themselves literally “overnight.”
Try Products Designed To Help With Arousal Control
Sometimes you need to have sex a few times without premature ejaculation to get your confidence back. Seeing that you can really do it is a real boost. And in those situations, there is no shame at all in using products designed to help you out.
The first one is a condom. If you’ve been having condomless sex, simply putting on a condom can help you last longer. You’ll get less sensation plus have the psychological knowledge that you’ve got a johnny on your spot. That can be enough to hold off premature ejaculation.
If it’s not there are a bunch of creams and lotions out there designed to slightly numb your penis. They make sure you get less stimulated by sex than you normally would. That helps you last longer and can make premature ejaculations a thing of the past.
Beyond that, there are cock rings. You put the ring at the base of your penis as soon as you get hard. Then when you have sex even if you cum you stay hard and can keep fucking your partner. The mere act of staying hard – even if you’ve already cum – can help you get the confidence you need to help with your arousal control.
There is no shame in using any of these products if they help you develop a more positive mindset and then naturally make premature ejaculation a thing of the past.
Find Ways To Cum At The Same Time
Ok. So, you know you have premature ejaculation. And you know it’s likely to come up when you have sex with your new partner. But you want your partner to be satisfied and not disappointed. In fact, if you are able to satisfy her and she’s happy then you might not have premature ejaculation the next time you make love. This is at the heart of arousal control.
One way to make this happen is to make sure both of you cum at the same time. But wait? If you have premature ejaculation problems how is that possible?
The answer is to use everything but your dick to get her off. Lightly touch her. Use your fingers. Go down on her. If she has a favorite toy, use it. There are tons of things you can do to get her arousal to an optimum level that doesn’t involve using your dick.
Then just when she’s about to come enter her. You’ll both end up coming at the same time. She’ll be satisfied. You’ll be satisfied. And the pressure will be off. Do this to her a few times and you’ll slowly see your premature ejaculation problems start to disappear as you become more confident in yourself as a lover.
And she’ll love how experimental and dedicated to her pleasure you are.
Make Sure You Are Not Angry When You Have Sex
Anger is the one thing that can really mess with our arousal control, more so than other feelings. We could have had a bad day at work. The girl we are with could have done something to piss us off. Or we could simply be in a bad mood.
Then we try to have sex and are surprised when our dick either doesn’t work or shoots off too quickly. This is a direct response to you being angry while having sex. There is a myth out there about “hate sex” is the best sex there is. That really isn’t the case. Yes, there might be a couple of people out there – mostly women – with a fetish for hate sex. For most of us though anger is a great inhibitor to good sex. It gets in the way and may cause premature ejaculation.
If you are in a bad mood, simply tell your partner that. Most women will be understanding and willing to wait until the tension subsides. They want to be a part of your positive emotions and not on the receiving end of bad sex simply because of stressful situations.
In other words, sex can almost always be put off for a bit. If it’s time to put it off, you’ll just have a better time later, you’ll be able to control arousal, and your performance will be at high levels.
Ask Yourself What Your Motivation Is For Having Sex
This is the final lesson on arousal control. It should be obvious but for a lot of men, it’s not. What is your motivation for having sex? Is it just because sex is being offered and as a dude, you think that you have to have it? Is it to get back at some other girl? Is it to impress your friends?
If any of these reasons are your motivation for having sex, then don’t be surprised when premature ejaculation rears its ugly head – because it will occur. Your body will know why you are having sex and seek to get it over with as quickly as possible.
Your true motivation for having sex is that you are attracted to and like your partner. That will lead to good sex. If you have to have motivations, then it’s going to lead to bad sex. It’s as simple as that. Always check your motivation before you start having sex. If you don’t, don’t be surprised if you end up being a two-pump chump.
Takeaways
There are many things that can affect physiological arousal. And there are just as many ways to defeat them. The important thing is to know what affects excessive arousal and what doesn’t. That way you can go directly at the problem and find the right solution. It may be making positive statements to yourself. It may be bringing toys into the relationship. It could be as simple as changing your medication. What’s important is that you identify what the real problem is and then address it. Once you do that you may have found you have mastered your arousal levels.
